photos from Tumblr,amazing illustrator from tumblr.

1. "My cat is the smartest cat. My cat …"
Easy on the pet stories. Unless your date talks as much about his pet (even better if it's the same species), you should keep to the facts and leave the feelings out of it. Otherwise you'll be telling proud-parent stories all night … and at some point start using the baby voice.

2. "My boss sucks, my job sucks, my life sucks."
If you're having that bad of a day, cancel the date. If you naturally complain a lot, work on that! It is such a turn-off to the opposite sex.

3. "Let's talk religion and politics!"
Unless you're a member of the Cabinet or you're a youth group leader, I would stay away from serious subjects on date one. Keep it light.

4. "My sister is getting married and my parents are starting to put the pressure on me."
Of course you didn't say you want to get married, but he still hears, "I'M DYING TO GET MARRIED." It doesn't matter if all you said was the "m" word and used it in the context of someone else.

5. "Nice shirt. Where'd you get it, Salvation Army?" (said sarcastically — if in earnest, that's fine)
Yes, you want to show your sense of humor, but making fun of a guy's wardrobe, well — it's funny to you, but he might not know your sense of humor yet. Plus, he might be hoping to win your favor!

6. "What kind of books do I read? Like, none."
If he asks, he probably likes to read. Better to say you've been busy lately and haven't had time to devote your full attention to a good novel. Or be honest but try to suggest some other intellectual or similar activity you enjoy. (Of course you should tell the truth, but I find people can focus on the dissimilarities, when in reality, a good relationship isn't based on reading habits.)

7. "I can't order the crab cakes, are you kidding?! They're like 500 calories!"
I've been known to be uptight about ordering red wine (scared of brown teeth). But if you can, keep the calorie concerns and food neuroses at bay.

8. "You're the oldest person I've ever dated."
I've said this before (oops). I was so busy congratulating myself for going older (38), that I didn't realize I might be insulting him.

9. "You go to [my grad school alma mater]? I hated it there!"
I've blurted out this doozie. It was a visceral, gut reaction. Plus, I'd been drinking. It's like if someone said, "I'm writing a bio of Hitler" and you might say, "I hate Hitler!" Even then, I should try to stay positive. The guy thought I was an angry, angry woman.

10. "Never again call me during Gossip Girl."
If you're like me, you can get a little too attached to your teen TV dramas. I actually said this once and I was kidding … but not really.

11. "You're driving like a grandma."
I have a need for speed, but I try not to criticize a guy for keeping my safety in mind!

12. "I just saw you check out my chest! I haven't caught anyone doing that since tenth grade!"
I once met a nice, respectful guy and it was one of the first things I ever said to him. I think I was holding him up to crazy-high, nice guy standards. Probably should've saved the chiding for later, equality and manners be damned.

13. "I'm thinking of moving to Chicago."
Even if you're just over everything, you can't be too careful. You may be looking for a guy who will say, "I'll move to Chicago with you!" but hold your horses there. Not even Cleopatra would have those powers of persuasion today. Most guys think, "Why bother getting to know her [no matter how hot]? She's just going to leave."

14. "My eggs are rotting. How serious are you?"
I think someone on the first episode of a random Bachelor season said this once. No matter how panicky you feel, it won't get you any closer to finding someone. So simmer down. 



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